For what seemed to be an uneventful day turned out to be otherwise of course. I left one gym at 1pm today. I went to see the twilight movie alone, enjoyed it. Wasnt bad at all. Afterwards I proceeded to my class to teach at 6:30. Wasnt my best teaching but then again I had a shit ton on my mind. I’ve been doing my best to hide it all from others. My students lent me their energy. I fed off of them in order to give them the best me I could give them at the time. I was supposed to talk with a friend of mine later on tonight but a family emergency came up and she couldnt. (you’re in my prayers). So I decided to go to the mall hang out for a bit and get some food. I’m turning the corner my Nordstrom’s and I feel something…a strong pull on me. An energy unlike I’ve ever felt before. And it was tugging at me so so hard. I’ve never tried to follow a feeling before..its not like smell..so I’d never know how to find it. So I sat down to try and debunk it…see if it was just me being stupid…maybe the stress of everything was getting to me. But no..it wasnt…it got stronger…a lot stronger. So I stood up and tried to find where it was coming from..the closer I got the stronger it became..my heart started to race, and I started sweating. I finally figured out what it was..it was fear. Someone was a afraid. I made it all the way to the end of the mall at bloomingdales and there stood a beautiful girl. She had to be no more than three. She was looking around in circles to be trying to locate her parents I guess. So she just stood there looking. Not making a sound, just looking. So I went to her..not moving very fast. But I could see her pulse beating fast she was so afraid. I knelt down and looked at her..she didnt move. I asked her “are you lost?” She began to speak, but it wasnt english. It sounded like turkish, but only because i’d seen a turkish movie once, and sounded similar to that. I wasnt going to leave her there alone, no matter how awful it looked. But I picked her up in my arms and she wrapped her arms around my neck through my hoody. Clinging on to me, burying her face into my neck. I could feel her fear…but what I felt in me was so different.
I felt like for however long this little girl clung to me..it was my job to make sure she was safe…no matter how long it took to find her parents. So I took my hand, encompassing her entire back held her with both arms. Walking around looking for a mother in complete hysterics. I didnt see one. We continued to walk around the mall her grip loosening as she was falling asleep in my arms. I a stranger to her, but she was getting tired and I could see her little eyes getting heavy. The security gaurds came running up to me screaming “give us the girl sir!” I was about to go ahead and let her go, but as soon as I got ready to put her down, she screamed and held on again for dear life. I said where are the parents. One said the mother is at the information desk, so just give her to me. I said she doesnt want to go with you, I’ll take her to her mother…you guys just walk with us. I found her by Bloomingdales alone. He nodded his head and walked down to the far side of the mall by barnes and noble where information desk was. The mother saw us coming and she ran to us arms out stretched, tears flooding her face. The little girl saw her mother and reached out to her..the mother clinching for dear life..both of them crying…I felt something creeping up inside me…I began to leave. The mother grabbed me, saying over and over “bless you sir..bless you…god bless you” I said its alright glad I could help I waved goodbye to the little girl..and she took her little hands and waived bye. I walked outside and went to the service garage because it was the first dark place I saw..I slipped into the darkest shadowy spot I could find and I cried…and cried..and cried some more. That little girl touched something I didnt want touched inside me…that I needed touched…maybe she didnt need me…maybe I needed her.